Sexual Assumptions: Which Ones do You Have?
No relationship is perfect. Many couples struggle with a variety of issues. Specifically, there are assumptions that we may make about our partner or relationship that can negatively impact us as a couple. Below are some options to start the conversation and explore this topic in your relationship.
Step One: Click here for a worksheet to navigate and discuss sexual assumptions that are common in relationships.
Step Two: To continue the conversation and explore additional activities, click here for Discussing Sexual Needs in Relationships and here for Sex Communication and Boundaries.
Step Three: Check out the additional resources below to continue your journey
Additional Resources for you and your partner to explore together!
Despite the secular tone to some of these resources, there is good information that would be helpful to all couples
Articles
https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
https://www.healthline.com/health/advice-from-sex-therapist-common#1
http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/sexual-health/
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1
Videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9xuo4ZjuZE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjvKh_tQB7Y
https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship
Podcasts- These can also be found on itunes & other podcast distributors
The Couples Toolbox - Dr. Anne Goshen
https://www.annegoshen.com/audio-video
The Naked Marriage Podcast - Dave and Ashley Willis
https://thenakedmarriagepodcast.simplecast.com/
Disclaimer: These exercises are meant for education and as conversation starters between partners who are in a committed relationship. This is not sex therapy. Couples need to self-assess whether this exercise is likely to enhance and enrich their relationship with more education, self-awareness and a chance to focus on their sexual intimacy. If there is a concern from either partner that the discussion or exercise might bring up negative issues without the ability to resolve them independently, this can make things worse in your relationship. That is the opposite of our goals for you. Sexual topics can surprise us sometimes. So assess your ability to engage in this exercise and monitor the conversation. If things are not going well, take a break. If you find that you can’t seem to have a good positive and productive conversation about sex, it might be time to seek some professional help from a trained therapist.
References
American Sexual Health Organization. (2020). Understanding Sexual Health. Ashasexaulhealth. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/sexual-health/
Barnes, Z. (2020). 12 Common Sex Problems Couple's Therapists Hear All The Time. Self. https://www.self.com/story/12-common-sex-problems-couples-therapists-hear-all-the-time
Brito, J. (2020). 10 Tips This Sex Therapist Finds Herself Repeating. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/advice-from-sex-therapist-common#1
Citytv. (2014, Oct. 28). Establishing Healthy Sexual Boundaries. [Video] Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjvKh_tQB7Y
Fugere, M. Phd. (2016 May 3). Do Married People Really Have Less Sex? Psychologytoday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201605/do-married-people-really-have-less-sex
Goshen, A. (Host). (2016-2017). The Couples Toolbox. [Audio podcast]. Anne Goshen & Associates.
Harvard Health Publishing. (2020). Tips to Improve Your Sex Life. Helpguide. https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm
Klein, M. PhD. (2017 June 17). 6 Reasons Why a Partner May Have Less Desire for Sex. Psychologytoday.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/201706/6-reasons-why-partner-may-have-less-desire-sex
Ludden, D. Phd. (2018 Oct. 20) Why You Won’t Talk About Sexual Issues With Your Partner.
Psychologytoday.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201810/why-you-won-t-talk-about-sexual-issues-your-partner
Robinson, K. (2020). 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex. Webmd. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1
Scot, Andrew & Amanda. (2019, Sep. 6). Sexual Problems in relationships. [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9xuo4ZjuZE
Tartakovsky, M. M.S. (2018 Oct. 8) 5 Damaging Assumptions We Make in Our Relationships.
Psychcentral.https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-damaging-assumptions-we-make-in-our-relationships/
TEDSalonNY2013. (2013). The secret to desire in a long-term relationship. [Video] TEDtalk. https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship
Ripley, J. PhD. & Worthington, E. PhD. (2014). Couple Therapy; A New Hope-Focused Approach. IVP Academic.
Weiss, S. (2019 Feb 27). 7 Assumptions You Should Never Make About A Sexual Partner. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/p/7-assumptions-you-should-never-make-about-a-sexual-partner-16186522
Willis, Dave & Ashley. (Host). (2018-Present). The Naked Marriage. [Audio podcast]. XO Podcast Network. https://thenakedmarriagepodcast.simplecast.com/
Worthington, E.L., (1999) Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
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