Exercise 3: Fear monsters

Fear monsters is a defusion and acceptance exercise. Defusion means to step back and watch our thinking instead of getting tangled up in it and we do not allow it to dominate us but simply guide us. Accepting somethings means to accept that certain things are part of our life and sometimes all we can do is make the best of it. A good metaphor to understand this is "the unwanted party guest."
Watch the video to learn about unwanted party guests.

 

 

Fear Monster
Partners write down a fear that they have related to the relationship (e.g., “I get nervous sometimes when I find out that you’re returning from deployment,” "I get mad, if we fight after we haven't seen each other for so long."), then draw a picture of the “fear monster” (e.g., “The Return from Deployment Monster,” "The Constantly Fighting Monster"). Your drawing doesn't have to be super detailed or evenpretty.
Introduce your monster to your partner. Together you can think about how you can welcome the monster into your life and allow them to come and go as they please. Just like the neighbor Brian was allowed to go to the party in the video.
Afterwards you can discuss the following questions:
  • What is it like to share these thoughts with your partner?
  • How do you feel about your partner's fears?
  • How can you help each other to welcome the monsters whenever they show up?

 

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