e-Hope

Communication after a deployment

Military couples are resilient. They are faced with unique challenges in many facets of their lives and encounter changes at a moment’s notice. These obstacles can add additional strain on their relationships; therefore, working on strengthening this partnership requires additional considerations and specific adjustments to meet these couples’ needs. 

Factors such as military occupational challenges, preparation for deployment, deployments and work-related separations, and returning from these periods of separation can add stress to military relationships. Research indicates that typical worries of non-deployed partners during deployment include the safety of their partner, infrequency of communication, increased workload at home, and navigation of new roles (Lewis et al., 2012). Both partners may also worry about increases in conflict upon the deployed partner’s return from deployment. The most pressing points of contention around this transition often include lack of clarity around roles and expectations when both partners are home together, especially when factors such as moving, financial difficulty, child care, deployment-related anxiety, and mental health concerns are present.

Post-deployment reintegration has been identified as the most vulnerable time for marital difficulties, and it is also when military couples most often seek help for problems in their relationships (Lewis et al., 2012). Often, couples seek additional support from outside resources such as websites, self-help books, or therapists during these more challenging times. When military work-related stressors arise, individual factors, demographic variables, and family coping skills may help to improve relational outcomes (Lewis, Lamson, & Leseuer, 2012).

In addition to these military-related stressors, military couples face challenges commonly found in civilian relationships. Some empirical evidence indicates that low marital quality in military couples is not associated with most military experiences, but rather is related to non-military experiences such as lack of support, caregiver burden, work-family conflict, and financial strain (Pflieger, Leardmann, McMaster, Donoho, & Riviere, 2018). In response to these difficulties, some partners may choose to withhold unpleasant or distressing information with the intention of promoting well-being in the relationship (Sayers, Barg, Mavandadi, Hess, & Crauciuc, 2018). However, this well-intentioned avoidance may actually be more harmful than helpful to the relationship; research indicates that the overall psychological health of both partners tends to increase with the expression of emotion and decrease with the use of avoidance as a coping strategy (Marini, Wadsworth, Christ, & Franks, 2016).

            In this E-Hope self-help module for military couples, we have compiled some tools and exercises to facilitate communication during post-deployment reintegration. This module may be particularly useful for couples who are newer to the service, or for more established military couples who have not utilized relationship education programs offered through the service. Ultimately, it is our hope that military couples who visit this page will expand their courageous resilience through honest, empathic communication.