Many of us spend time thinking
of what ‘should be’. It is not uncommon to wish for something that does not
exist. We often spend a lot of time thinking of the ‘what ifs’ of our lives and
relationship. This can cause us to concentrate on the past and how we could
have changed it. Wishing things were different often consumes so much of our
time and energy that none is spent on changing the things we can.
Holding onto these things can
be detrimental to moving forward as a couple. There may be hurts that you wish
did not exist. There may be certain standards that have not been met by your
partner. There may be unsolvable problems. Radically accepting these involves
letting go and accepting the present .It is important to do this without
fighting. Radical acceptance should not include a ‘Yes…but…’ statement of
acceptance. When you radically accept something, you are not labeling it as
good or bad but rather simply acknowledging its existence. Once it is
acknowledged and accepted, steps can be taken as a couple to move forward.
- · As a couple, ask yourselves what are the ‘shoulds’
of your relationship?
- · What ‘wishes’
consume most of your energy?
- · What are the solvable/unsolvable aspects?
- · What would accepting them ‘as if’ look like?
The e-Hope project provides online resources to couples who want to invest in their relationship with effective internet-based interventions.
