Showing Tag: "marriage" (Show all posts)

How to resolve conflicts effectively

Posted by on Tuesday, November 5, 2013,



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All couples have differences and disagreements! It is totally normal to have arguments with your partner here and there. Happy couples do not avoid disagreements completely, but they strive to resolve them while remaining respectful of each other. The goal is to not allow your differences take a toll on your relationship and to learn how to “fight fair” without devaluing your partner.

When doing this module you are going to work through the LOVE conflict resolution worksheet.  Here are some tips:

1.  Don’t try to avoid all conflict.  Don’t avoid all conflict at all costs and sweep everything under the rug. This is not the goal of conflict resolution exercises!  The goal is to learn how to resolve conflict effectively, not pretend that it does not exist.

2.  Focus on growth, not regrets.  There may never be a time in your relationship when you no longer fight at all. All couples, even the happiest ones, have disagreements from time to time. And it’s also likely that you will slip into your old habits here and there. Don’t beat yourselves up! Focus on the growth that occurred in your communication and don’t let your regrets and disappointments get in a way of your growth.

3. Work together.  Practicing LOVE on a regular basis will require each one of you to own up to your part in the conflict, because there are two of you in this relationship and chances are you both contributed to the issue at hand in some way. This step requires humility and openness to compromise. Once you are able to identify the interest behind each one of your positions, try to be as open minded and flexible as you can in order to find a solution that will satisfy both of your needs.

About Me


Anna Ord Anna is a Doctoral Student in Clinical Psychology, and she also has a Master's Degree in Professional Counseling. Anna is certified in Hope-Focused Approach to couples counseling, and her primary clinical interests are in the area of Marriage and Family Therapy. It is her passion to help couples overcome difficulties in their relationship by building up their strengths. She would be happy to work with you and guide you in the journey towards a happier, healthier, and more vibrant relationship!.

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 Return to the Conflict Resolution module

Faith perspective: if faith is important to you, then consider how resolving conflicts and showing grace to your partner falls in line with your religious beliefs. In sum, grace is a gift that is given without merit. In other words, when we show grace to someone, we choose to be loving and forgiving towards them, even if we don’t feel that the other person deserves it.

Extending grace to your partner allows you to develop your ability to be like Christ, purely gracious and merciful.  When we display grace to the loved one, we are not trying to fix them, but we wait for God to work in us and in our partner.  Christ still loves us even though we continue to fall into sin our entire lives. 

So, knowing that, can you challenge yourself to show grace to your partner even though you may not always feel that he or she deserves it?  If you feel that this step can be difficult for you, remember the time when someone else extended grace to you. You may not have deserved it, but you were given grace anyway. What was it like for you? What did you feel like when this happened? Why do you think it’s important to extend grace to your partner in this relationship? Reflecting on these questions can make it easier for you to extend grace to your loved one even in difficult times, when you may be arguing or disagreeing with each other.